Behind each eye

Today as I was reading the usual A year with Rumi book, I cheated, pop. I skipped June 19, 20, and 20 to peek at June 22, your birthday. I wanted to know what he writes for June 22. And I felt my eyes watering.

The poem entitled "Behind each eye"

Spring overall. But inside us
there is another unity.

Behind each eye
one glowing weather.

Every forest branch moves differently
in the breeze, but as they sway,
they connect at the roots.

I know you have moved on and I won't be the one who holds you back.

Yet I also know you are always be here for me. Because we are always one. United. Connected at the roots. With you cheering at me. Praying. Glowing. With God's love.

I miss you so much, especially at times like this. I love you. And wish you well.

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Patience

[Bahasa Indonesia]
Have you ever gone out of a mall, looked at your parking ticket and found out that you have spent about three hours and ONE minute. Which means that we have to pay an extra hour for that one minute. Annoying (to me).

And on those times, my impatience shows its ugly face. So when I am in a certain mood, I would rush to ensure that I do not have to pay that extra minute. Unnecessary, I know.

So earlier tonight I deliberately train my patience. In the gym, I glanced at the clock, I knew it was going to be tight. So I consciously slowed down. I locked my locker carefully. I took my time in drying my hair.

There was an instance when I lost that rhythm. Suddenly when I was about to open my locker, I took the wrong key. I realised this and I returned to the rhythm. Aware.

The parking ticket was in my car key wallet and I deliberately did not even take a peek at it. I walked slowly to my car. Went down on the escalator and did not try to speed up my walk.

I got into my car and drove to the exit gate. Only when I was near to the gate, I took out the parking ticket and looked.

I went in at 19:44:53. I came out at 21:43:59.

God really does have great sense of humor.

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“Sahabat”

[Bahasa Indonesia]
This is one of the things that I like about Indonesian language. There are several words we use when referring to friends. There are “teman”, “kawan”, and there is “sahabat”. Every Indonesian knows where the difference lies, although not most people probably have a hard time giving the exact definition.

But that is the way it is. We use the word “teman” very lightly. I want to you meet my “teman”. My high-school “teman”, my work “teman”, etc. But we use “sahabat” very carefully and selectively.

That was what happened to me recently. I was telling a “teman” (or “sahabat”?) about my “sahabat”. And she said, “You must be very close to them.”

Why, I asked. She said, “Because you seldom refer to a person as a “sahabat”.” Much less a group of people. I did not even realise that habit until that moment. That’s true.

But the ones whom I was telling her about were indeed my “sahabat”. My friends for more than fifteen years, who have seen all the changes that I have gone through, my ups and downs, and yet they have stuck around me all these years.

Those who just smile and give a “whatever” look when I am in one of those moods, when I decide to do something odd (which is probably more often that I want to admit).

Those whom I do not have to say anything to to know what is going on in my mind. Sometimes they just give me a pad in the back or just wrap their arms around me. Those who can leisurely say, “My God, you look ugly.”

The 91 girls. Here’s to a lifetime of rollercoaster ride, here’s to a life long friendship. Love you all to bits.

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A Pilgrim for Life

[Bahasa Indonesia]
We continued talking about writing. This time it was about writing for our personal blog. You said, “Your writing in your previous blog while you were in Spain was very good. Why was that? Was it because of the ambiance?”

This got me curious. Yes, why is that? So I accessed my previous blog and started reading. It was a bit overwhelming, actually, to read the blog one more time. It brings back so many things in mind, or rather, in heart.

The most beautiful writing is when we write with our heart. And we cannot write with our heart unless we are in touch with it. That is why it was different then than it is now.

When I returned from Spain, I told a friend it was easy for me to feel in peace while I was in Spain. The challenge is to keep that sensation, that state of heart, in the bustling busy city of Jakarta, in the midst of all the deadlines at work and issues with families, friends and the country.

I told you (readers, visitors), that I felt like I am starting to write in a more contemplative mode again. I supposed that is my sanctuary. My escape when the soul is too tired of dealing with all the unnecessary things in life. When the signal to refocus is so strong.

Just like you said, whichever road we choose to travel, we will always encounter problems. Different problems, but there will always be problems. Challenges that we need to overcome to help us grow. No use of saying “if I had done this, I would have..”.

It is time to retreat to that state again, when I am in peace with myself, when I am in touch with my heart. And refocus myself to walk in my personal journey as a pilgrim for life.

This time it is a step tougher though. This time, we do this in the midst of the bustling busy city of Jakarta, complete with all the deadlines at work and issues with families, friends and the problems faced by the country.

As my yoga teacher once said as we end our yoga session with the savasana (corpse pose), “as you open your eyes and end this session, try to maintain the savasana within you.”

I look forward to the time when I come to the realization, as another teacher said, that there will be a time when we do not seek solution for our problem anymore. Because life is one major solution on itself.

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On writing

[Bahasa Indonesia]
It is funny to listen, to see you getting so excited over writing. Not funny, funny. But funny, happy. The kind of funny that brings a smile on my face and in my heart.

I too share the same passion. To express myself in writing. Whenever I have a writer’s block when writing for my work, I always write in my blog first, to get the creative juice going. Whenever I feel sad or upset, I too write.

But my way of writing is very different from yours, or any other people for that matter. Some people write serious stuff, political etc. Some write in a cynical way. Some write in a very poetic way. In an innocent child kind of way. My writing is very straight forward.

I supposed you can learn a lot from a person’s written work. Not just from what he or she writes, but also from how he or she writes it.

My writing? Straight forward. Yet sometimes full of symbols. Paradoxical.

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Reunion, deunion

[Bahasa Indonesia]
It is sad how reunion sometimes do not do justice for its true meaning: to come together again so as to be connected or to come into close association or relationship.

Some reunions even causes the oppositve things. The committee for the reunion argues endlessly with one another over small matters when preparing the reunion.

This happens even when a group of people get together for a good cause. (speaking from a rather personal experience.) Even with good intension in mind and an abundance of knowledge on spirituality (whatever that means), we can end up with endless arguments, resentments and negativities.

Then re-union becomes de-union. Unfortunate. Unnecessary. Sad.

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First impression. Last impression.

[Bahasa Indonesia]
We talked about first impression. Last impression. I supposed it is a topic close to our heart, (professional heart that is, if there is such thing) since we are in communications field.

People often talked about the importance of first impression. To me last impression is just as important.

Last impression is more complicated than first impression though. Because is the sum of all the impression people gather from the first time they met us until the very last minute.

It is probably an impression closer to the truth as well. Again, since it is the sum of all our actions and words, whose control has gotten looser as we are unable to keep our true personalities hidden.

It is the lingering impression people keep in their head and most probably tell other people about. We all know how poisonous grape-vine can be.

An actor is only as good as his last film. A writer is only as good as her last book.

.staying cryptic.

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A fulfilling breakfast

[Bahasa Indonesia]
I had breakfast with a dear friend last Saturday for about two and a half hours. It was one of those times when I felt time passed by. Yet I have carried so many memories from that chat.

She is my friend. Mentor. Sister. Yet the proudest role she has ever played in her life time, I am one hundred percent sure, has nothing to do with me. It is to be the mother of a child. A very lucky child.

When she writes in her blog, you would understand what Judy Ford meant in her book “Wonderful ways to love a child” when she said, “While laughing with your child, you will take a peek at heaven.”

And, to quote from that beautiful book one more time, I know she will smile her distinctive smile, when I say that “parenting is a two way street: as you take the child by the hand, they will take you by the heart.”

This and the four subsequent threads were based on our conversation. Happy Birthday.

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Contemplative

[Bahasa Indonesia]
I have just realized that my recent threads have gotten back to being very contemplative and idealistic.

I wonder what it means. I have a hunch, but I am not ready to share it.

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Happy independence day

[Bahasa Indonesia]
Today Indonesia is celebrating the 62nd anniversary of its independence day. I was trying to find the right picture for this thread.

My choice goes to the picture below, showing the double badminton players from Indonesia: hendra Gunawan and Joko Riyadi during the current World Championship in Malaysia.

The picture was taken from a Kompas Cyber Media article titled “Pebulutangkis Indonesia Terus Melaju.” – Indonesian badminton players keep advancing. Look at the single-minded-ness, the fighting spirit and the determination obviously reflected on their face.

But more than that, it is how I feel, and wish, about my country and my people: that we keep advancing. I am tired of people complaining about the state of the country. It is time to change our frame of mind and be more optimistic, constructive, and active.

Just like what the T-shirt I saw in the shopping mall today said: “You have to be the change that you want to see.” Spot on.

Start doing something. Anything.

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We have received so much

[Bahasa Indonesia]
Still from the conversation with Pak Brotoseno.

We spoke about contemplation. We spoke about feeling grateful. To contemplate how much we have received from everybody and every single thing in nature.

Look at the obvious. People who have explicitly and directed given us many things. Our parents. Our teachers. Our friends. Our sponsors.

Look at the less obvious. This plate of rice that we are eating. The farmers that grow the rice. Those who help the farmers harvest. The people who make the fertilizer. People who buy the rice from the farmer. People who transport the rice from the farmer to the store. People who sell the rice. People who buy and cook the rice for us. People who serve us the rice.

That's only for the rice. Look at the other food we eat, the plate, the cutlery, the chairs and tables, the lights and lamp, the roof above us. And contemplate on the same process. The people with whom we enjoy the meal.

Look beyond people. The air we breathe. The freshness of water that quenches our thirst. The birds. The flowers. Feast for our senses.

Look at how much we have been given.

So when we start doing or giving something, see it not as if they owe us anything. Because we have been given a lot more. Think of it as us giving back, as a token of appreciation, to other people, to the society, to nature.

Of course there are people or occasions that cause us hurt, heartache, anger. But when we start seeing that so many people are doing good, how many we have been receiving from so many people and things, we start realizing that the number of people doing us good far exceed the number of people who cause us hurt and anger. This number becomes insignificant.

Be grateful. Start doing something. Anything.

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Persona: Pak Broto and Pak Pujo

[Bahasa Indonesia]
Last weekend me and my fam went to our hometown, Solo. My sister wanted to find some antiques for her house. She was referred by a friend to this person: Pak Brotoseno.

When we got there, it turned out that he was not into antiques anymore, rather he is making some wooden furniture. It was obvious how he really loves his work. And only did what he wanted to do. What a beautiful thing to do. or to be.

I went to the second level of his house and I asked what this room was for. He said he is teaching meditation every night. Hm.

Without thinking much at all, I said that I would return that night. And I did. We (Pak Broto, his father Pak Pujo, my sis and I) chatted. The topic of the night was an introduction to meditation. Pak Pujo led the discussion.

We were taught and we practiced some meditation techniques. He said that a meditator must overcome five challenges: greed, anger, sloth, hesitation and fear.

Greed is interesting. There are obvious greed. But there is also a more subtle greed, which we often overlook. When we are happy, we want to hold on to that happiness. That's greed.

When we feel peace, we do not want it to end. That is greed. Tough.

One paradox that he mentioned was that to feel peace, one should not desire peace. A saying that I should contemplate first before I even begin to understand.

Neither Pak Broto nor Pak Pujo did not ask for a single dime for the nighly session. They even provide some snack and drink. Pak Pujo said that he did not pay for the lessons he has learned so why should he charge for the ones he is giving. "This is my way of giving back, because this is the only thing I can do." Simple, humble.

At nine pm, he looked at me and he said "I think this is enough for tonight?". And the session ended. When I was about to go home, Pak Pujo was sitting on the floor, eyes stuck on the TV in front of him. Such innocence.

The humbleness in attitude and in spoken words, yet such wisdom and sincerity. I cam to this place to find antiques, and I found myself a new teacher. Thank you.

ps: He reminded me of you, pop. Down to the body language. But most of all your straighforwardness, simplicity, humbleness, and great wisdom.

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With or without mustache?

[Bahasa Indonesia]
The regional election day when Jakarta votes to elect a new governor.

So, Jakartanians, which would it be?

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Double standards

[Bahasa Indonesia]
I have just had a good conversation tonight with a friend. (Actually every conversation with her is a good one). We talked about this and that. One particular subject stuck in mind. Hope she does not mind.

You know when you get too close to a subject or a person, our view become not so objective anymore. The perception is skewed. We begin to apply double standards. I will use general examples.

We cannot bare hearing a parent shout to their children or seeing someone being rude to other people. Yet sadly we sometimes shout at ours and treating others with disrespect.

We know as parent we should help children be independent. Yet we cannot help but overprotect ours.

We say we respect those who are different from us, for instance in religion or sexual inclination. But what happen if our family choose to be “different”? Do we respect them as well?

We tell people to slow down, enjoy life and not to work too hard. How about us?

I supposed that is when we need other people to pull as back to our path. When we need to listen to our heart. Really listen. Thanks, friend.

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The great teachers of life

[Bahasa Indonesia]
One of the biggest obvious blessings in my life (apart from my family) is the things that I have learned just by watching people around me.

People who make their way by using their own two hands. They did not come from a wealthy family yet look at where they are now financially speaking. The survivors.

People who are so content about their live, so grateful. People with so much compassion and peace within. People with such a humble heart and endless passion to help others.

People with such great ignorance and greed. People who complain about everything. People who run endlessly like a dog chasing its own tail.

People who have gone through some really tough times in their live and thrive. Who have been through hell and back and live to tell about it. People who have gone through tough times but barely surviving. And those who do not survive at all—whether they are aware or not.

A great blessing because I need not go through what they have gone through. Because if I do, I am unsure whether I will be as strong as they are.

All the great teachers in my life. All I have to do is watch. And learn.

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Iyegar yoga retreat

[Bahasa Indonesia]
Somehow all interesting stuff in life starts with “coincidences”. I was not planning to join this yoga retreat with Ann Barros in Ubud Bali.

But ‘coincidently’, my friend kept asking me whether I wanted to come. ‘Coincidently’, I was joining another yoga retreat that made me change my mind, and ‘coincidently’ my workload has got me thinking “perhaps a little break would be nice..”

And I do not have a single regret. This is my first encounter with Iyegar yoga, whose emphasis is on precision and alignment in all postures.

And Ann, which has been teaching for about thirty years, really knows what the students can and cannot do. “Respect our limitations”, “Work with your limitations.”

There was no TV and no phone (although I have one deadline for one article writing, quite alright). There was only nature and good friends.

But the best entertainment always come from the silence of nature. When we sit still and breath the environment, free from pollution—air pollution as well as noise. Ubud is indeed magical, somehow.

At the end of every class, we greeted each other with “Namaste”, which means “I honor the Divine in you of Love, of Light, of Truth. I honor that place in you and that place in me where we are One”

Perhaps this is my way. I am comfortable with yoga, as training ground to achieve the inner stillness and samadhi, or simply making me physically fit and more flexible. Whether we realize it or not. Whether we intend to or not.

Note: Pictures to be uploaded later. Hopefully.

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