“I don’t know”

[Bahasa Indonesia]
Some time ago I wrote an entry about how I do not like saying “I do not know.” I am confident that I am resourceful enough to know just about anything I want.

So even if I do not know the answer or solution at that very moment, I am sure I have a friend (of a friend of a friend) who does. Just give me some time and I will find the solution. A true believer in six degrees of separation.

But the other day, as I was having conversation with a friend, I asked him a question of why and he said he did not know. It was a question about feeling and I asked why he felt that way. He said he did not know, he just did.

I looked at him and said, “Isn’t that the most beautiful answer you can give me?” We both smiled. We both knew it was true.

Sometimes the most important questions in life should have “I don’t know” as their answer. Why do you love a person? I don’t know. I just do. Why do you choose to do this, not that? I don’t know. Because I want to. How come you look so happy? I don’t know. I just feel happy. Here. Inside. Do we really have to know the reason?

Looking back on recent events, I have used that "I don't know" answer on numerous occasions. I have decided on a lot of things—some are quite crucial—without really logically knowing the reasons. On some, the questions did not even crossed my mind, until somebody else has asked me. Even then, I sticked to my answer of “I don’t know.”

I don't mind not knowing. Because I know You know. And I trust You.

You cannot imagine how far I have traveled to come to this stage of not knowing. To know that I do not know and do not mind about it. In fact, I embrace it. Why? I don't know.