I went to Starbucks the other day. The place was packed as usual. This young cheerful chubby male barista greeted me, with a huge smile and enthusiastic voice.
I caught a glimpse of the barista’s name tag. It read “Jesus”.
No wonder Starbucks is doing so well these days :p
Hey, Son, I came across this music video.
Sure brings back a lot of memories and emotions, as only you and a selected few have witnessed.
The video could not have been more eighties. But with eyes closed, the words and music still do their magic. *snif*
On My Own - the lyrics
Sometimes I wonder where I've been
Who I am
Do I fit in.
Make believin' is hard alone,
Out here on my own
We're always provin' who we are
Always reachin' for the risin' star
To guide me far
And shine me home
Out here on my own
When I'm down and feelin' blue
I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh, baby, be strong for me
Baby, belong to me
Help me through
Help me need you
Until the morning sun appears
Making light of all my fears
I dry the tears
I've never shown
Out here on my own
When I'm down and feelin' blue
I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh, baby, be strong for me
Baby, belong to me
Help me through
Help me need you
Sometimes I wonder where I've been
Who I am
Do I fit in
I may not win
But I can't be thrown
Out here on my own
On my own
Remember? Because I do.
[Bahasa Indonesia]
Every communications person would know the 5W1H principle – the who what where when why and how of telling a story. And to some, there is another important question: so what? Why should the audience care about it?
So what was also the question that came to mind when I chatted with a friend a couple of nights ago. A kind man who likes to chat with (extra-ordinary) ordinary people. He likes to sit around the sidewalk to chat with the likes of street hawkers.
I do too. It is amazing to hear their stories. They always manage to put me back in my place, to feel thankful but at the same time to feel that I am nothing compared to them.
At that night during my conversation with friend, the question just popped out of my mouth: so what? So you like to listen to their stories, so what? What are you going to do about the stories? How are you going to use these stories to help make change, to self and to others?
I think that is a question that should ask more often to myself. So I like spiritual discussions. So I like yoga. So I like talking to my stuff animal. So I like writing this blog. So what? How would that make me a better person? How would that benefit others around me?
Thanks for the chat. And the reminder.
[Bahasa Indonesia]
Today has been tiring, physically and emotionally. It has been a very long day as well. I woke up at five a.m. after only three hours of sleep. Then off to work. And work. And work. Until about six-seven in the evening. Then I went to a friend’s place (little old ambitious me) until about 12.30 a.m. Dead tired.
That is, until I arrived at home at 1 a.m. Then I somehow felt completely refreshed. And started to turn on my computer to write this entry.
Earlier today I SMS-ed a friend because I was weighing what I should do tomorrow. Let’s see. I have three religious/spiritual discussion groups that I can choose from. Then I said, there is always an option to stay home. She said: home.
She was of course absolutely right. If I need to choose out of all four options, which is the most spiritually relaxing activity? It would be to stay at home.
It is amazing what home can do to you. Thank You.
As you said, until now, there is no other place on earth that we feel most comfortable in. Well, for us the fortunate ones. There are people who do not have a home. There are people who have big house(s) yet never feel at home. We are indeed the lucky ones.
PS: one statement from the discussion in the friend's house earlier tonight: "Act of kindness is the universal truth." Beautiful.
[Bahasa Indonesia]
I kept being drawn to this area. Well, “pulled” would be a better word. You kept giving me ‘reasons’ to go there.
First, it was the temptation to go to that favorite outdoor shop of mine. I resisted. Then a friend asked if I could buy her a product which rumors have it is sold in that area. I still resisted and bought the product in a different shop in different area instead.
At last, You have managed to get me there because another friend insisted for us to meet near that area. Fine, I will go there.
And so I went. After my lunch, I went about the neighborhood. Grudgingly. You have got me here, and now what? Unfair. Show me a sign. I went to the outdoor shop and did not see anything that tickled my fancies. Right, I still don’t know what I am here for.
Suddenly. Taa daah.. Singapore’s Saint Andrew’s Cathedral. Wow. Yesterday I asked God to show me a Catholic church. A favorite refuge of mine. Yesterday I did not find any. Then I forgot all about it.
I supposed someone still remembers.
And more.
I have only asked for a simple small catholic church, or even a chapel, for me to sit still in silence. You have given me the cathedral instead.
.speechless.
[Bahasa Indonesia]
This is the second time in a row I have used the word “perfect”. Life must be good.
We sat together for the thousandth time. And each time, it was a bliss.
A perfect afternoon (the sun was smiling wide and the sky was so blue) in a perfect café (good food, helpful staff, nice crowd) and us sitting by the window overlooking the green square and people passing by around us.
We talked a bit about work. We talked more on personal life. We talked families, feelings, and journeys. We talked about our happiness and restlessness.
I think there is very little that I would not say to you. I will answer anything that you ask. I tell you all things that you do not.
We talked about us being the eternal strong one. The problem solver in love and life. People living a simple life with nothing to hide.
A life so simple that there is nothing for us to tell. Not a single complain. Life is simple. Life is good. All is well. We are strong.
Until one moment during that conversation, the harsh truth sank in. (Oops, I have just seen you gone online! At this odd hour). We have been just too pride to admit or even to realize. The fortress is so high that even we cannot see what is inside. All is good, all is made of strong stones.
Allow yourself to be weak, to be fragile, I said. Or was it you who said it? It is not that important. It does not matter. It is the same. The statement goes both ways. As usual.
Because you are my perfect reflection. What I say to you, I say to myself. Your stories are my stories. When I listen to you, I listen to myself, with great joy and sadness. What you feel (or you think you feel) is always something scarily familiar to me.
No wonder I never hesitate to tell you stories. From the first time. I am merely talking to myself. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You know. Because somehow you are.
I love you as a dear friend. Always have. Always will. Thank you for being such a translucent mirror, a perfect reflection for me. However reluctant we are to admit it occasionally.
I had a great stress-relieving time. Thank you.
PS: Remember that picture we took together that came out blur? Hmph. Perhaps some things are better kept to self. Or rather, just between you and me. The garbage can for each other.
[Bahasa Indonesia]
“So how was your trip?” a friend asked. I answered directly, “It was perfect.” Without any doubt or hesitation.
Does that sound too positive? Perhaps. Nevertheless, that is how I feel about the trip. I will not talk details here. But just to give you an idea.
It was only a short trip. About five days four nights. A one and a half hour flight which I have taken many times. But this time, it feels different.
It was the right time. To chill. To get away for a bit.
It was the right balance between time alone, time with books, and time with friends. I did not realize how long it has been since I last traveled alone. I did not realize how much I have missed it.
It was the right mix of friends. Those whom I hold so dear to me. Those whom I have not seen for quite some time. Those with whom I can be my relaxed and open self.
It was the right place to stay. The apartment of an old friend. One of my dearest friends who has watched me—who has allowed me to— grow to be what I am today. I could not have picked a better place to stay for this trip.
It was the right activities. Chilling out at the apartment. Chatting with friends. Having lunch, dinner, and coffee. (some work-related deadlines and not-so-work-related emails). Watching cartoon on TV. Getting therapies. Hablando con mis amigas españolas. Learning about the therapy. People-spotting. Doing nothing. Shopping. More chatting. Glaring. Reading books. Oh and walking. That’s a nice one. Long slow strolls.
And I am officially in love with Craniosacral Therapy. Thank you, Kheng. Thank you, Martyn. Thank you, Heather.
I am back now. Bring it on!
ps: remind me to post some pictures here.
This one is for you, God. It's been a long time.
ps: am deleting the word "baby" from the lyrics as I have never referred to You using such word. Perhaps I should :p
Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
And I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial
[Chorus:]
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't You
If I ain't got You
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got You
Some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them
Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share
With no one who truly cares for me
[Chorus:]
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't You
If I ain't got You
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got You, You, You
Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't You
If I ain't got You
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got You
[Outro:]
If I ain't got You with me
So nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got You with me
PPS: I feel like Whoopy Goldberg in SisterAct.
[Bahasa Indonesia]
I give you a hint on how to note when I feel close with someone.
It is when I get chatty, when I cannot wait to chat about how my day(s) has been, and how I feel. When I talk more than she or he does, or at least 50-50.
And when I start to reveal the not-so-composed me.
I don’t think I have added a new person on this “close” list for quite some time. Not that I am trying to be exclusive or anything. I supposed it is just a matter of natural selection. And my personal inner-process.
But I have added you recently. And I want you to know, as with other people on that not-so-long list, you can call me up anytime, even years from now, to simply says, “Coffee?”, and I will directly say yes. I will make time.
It is a promise. A pleasure. An honor.
PS: No, this is not what I meant by "the last entry". The previous one.
[Bahasa Indonesia]
I have written some words for this inexplicable unexplainable day. I have taken some pictures for illustration with my hand phone.
The pictures have been marked for later upload. Then deleted, by mistake. Stunned. Deep breath. Eyes wide shut for a brief moment.
Perhaps some things are better left unsaid. As I have been softly spoken of lately, it is time for silence. For yet another time. To stay silent whilst continuing the walk.
For words are limiting and misleading.
Only in silence, you said, we can really listen. Only in silence we can truly honestly communicate. And understand.
Thank you. Miss you. Although it has crossed my mind, I guess you really do think I am that strong.
Page 219 of A Year with Rumi.
Enjoyed solo without much else.
Shared with cappuccino and muffin.
The people of Saba feel bored
with just the mention of prophecy.
They have no desire of any kind. Maybe some
idle curiosity about miracles, but that's it.
This over-richness is a subtle disease.
Those who have it are blind to what's wrong,
and deaf to anyone who points it out.
The city of Saba cannot be understood
from within itself, but there is a cure,
an individual medicine, not a social remedy.
Sit quietly and listen for a voice
that will say, Be more silent.
As that happens, your soul starts to revive.
Give up talking, and your positions of power.
Give up the excessive money.
Turn toward the teachers and the prophets
who do not live in Saba. They will help you
grow sweet again, and fragrant and wild and fresh,
and thankful for any small event.
personal note: I am missing my Rumi. snif.
[Bahasa Indonesia]
It’s been quite some time since I last attended Pak Arif’s quran study. I forgot how down to earth his teaching is. It was a gentle reminder to retrospect and evaluate my steps in life thus far.
The discussion that night was about prayer. A participant asked how we can ensure that our prayer does not backlash on us. Real prayer never does, Pak Arif said.
Al Qur'an said that “all things go back to God [as their source]” (for instance in 3:109). But have we really returned all things that we are or that we do to Him? I doubt it, at least in my case. We pray for what we desire, for what we think is good fur us.
We forget that each of us is here with specific role and function. We forget that there is a master plan in life. We forget to go back to God and ask, so what’s Your plan and how can I help?
We forget to obey God’s law, or if you prefer the law of nature, the karmic law, what goes around comes around. We forget to do good. We have what a friend called “the most unfortunate person syndrome” – we think life is full of problems and not blessings.
So here’s a tip from Pak Arif: from the time we wake up, remember God (or if you prefer, remember Love, remember the Higher being in us), be thankful of all the things that we have (even the simplest thing such as our sights and hearing), pray for protection from God, pray to ask God what His plan is and what we should do. Close the prayer with feeling of thankfulness, understanding how blessed we are with our live.
So that our life be guided and we can function as we all should be, which is to be a blessing to all.
Complete note of the study (in Indonesian) is here.
[Bahasa Indonesia]
A discussion with a colleague.
C: Who is going to do such and such in an event?
Me: We have Colleague B to do the job.
C: What if he is sick?
Me: Well, we have me. I can do it.
C: Yeah, but what if you are not around?
Me: I am already a Plan B. How many backup plans do you need?
Funny as it may seem, this conversation happens a lot to you and certainly to me. We keep worrying over hypothetical situations.
In a world of maybes and what-ifs, we decide to stay within our comfort zone and take a lot of precautions. Too many?
Then we complain about our life. We claim that we are stuck where we are in life, without any choice. Hm.
We refrain from taking that extra bold step in life. Steps that may probably allow us to realize our potentials and fulfill our real purpose in this world.
Perhaps only the mavericks act differently. Perhaps. In good time.
Good that God is extra patience. With all the potentials and wonders that He has carefully crafted and we have ignorantly passed, in the name of so called security. If only we knew.
Uttanasana - standing forward bend
Adho mukha svanasana - downward facing dog
Sarvangasana - shoulder stand
Savasana - corpse pose
.namaste.
ps: Revised based on suggestion from a friend. (You mean there are people who do not know what adho mukha svanasana is??? ;p )
pic: ABC-of-yoga.com
[Bahasa Indonesia]
People often refer to me as “lucky” that I have the choice to do certain things, a lot of things. I consider myself blessed.
Not just because I have the luxury of choices. But also the luxury of having the courage to make the choice and face the consequences.
I think this is what is lacking from a lot of people. We often say we do not have any choice. A recipe for disaster.
I strongly believe that we always have the choice. It is a matter of having the keenness to notice them, the courage to make them, and the integrity to experience the consequence.
It was not until a couple of weeks ago that I realize where I have that belief. I was traveling and chatting with an amazing friend. She said, “You are lucky that your parents have raised you to be like that.” Come to think of it, she was spot on.
My father, a pain as he was when I was little *kiddin, pop*, together with my ever-loving mom have allowed me to grow the way I want myself to be, to try (almost) anything I want to try, and to taste the consequences.
I have the choices. I can make them. You have as well. You can, too.
I have made good calls, and some bad calls. But that is ok. Such experimental life has allowed me to see, to believe that I always have the choice, each comes with its own consequences.
The consequences that I have been willing to take because I know it will allow me to make the leap. To be where I am today. To be where I can be in the future.
And for that, I have my father and mother to thank. Thank you. Thank You. I keep learning everyday what you have done to me, for me. Amazing.
[Bahasa Indonesia]
First occurrence
“She has vast knowledge but is stingy.” A passing comment from a friend. She runs a foundation for children education. The comment was about me to her colleagues in the foundation.
Am I really stingy? Have I really that vast knowledge to share?
Second occurrence
A questionnaire that I am filling in. One of the questions wrote: “ask your friends what they consider to be your greatest weakness”. The answer from three friends: thinking too much, too laid back, and belief in self. Wow, am I really?
.Hm.
Third occurrence
A large banner in Djoger shop in Bali, saying: “If you can, don’t just look up.”
That was it. How much bolder should a message be?
We (too) often think that we are a nobody. We look up and never down. I am just starting. I still have a lot more to learn. There is so much more yet to achieve.
We undermine the knowledge, the experience and the exposure we have gained throughout our life, our education, our work. We thirst for more knowledge, more experience, more wealth.
Don't we realize that the majority of people in a lot of regions do not even have elementary education? do not have basic food for everyday survival? have not ever traveled outside of their town? Ignorant us. Ignorant me.
This insecurity gives us the false sense of earning the right to receive. We have forgotten to give or to share. We forget that perhaps even the simplest things to us are luxuries to others.
So perhaps I am stingy. I think too much. I don’t do enough, too laid back. I don’t realize my potentials. I often look up, and seldom down.
At either case, the time has come to give, to share.
.start doing something. Anything.
[Bahasa Indonesia]
Exactly one year ago, a friend/teacher/supervisor of mine passed away. Pak Mustafa Alatas. 
Last week his daughter--another dear friend of mine--called for a cup of coffee. She wanted to give me a small book and CD. A compilation of her late father’s beautiful writing and music collection.
It was the sweetest gesture.
Pak Mus, you have raised your daughter well. She has your thoughtfulness, sincerity, and kindness.
The greatest gift a father can pass to his children.
